Confessions

i have no words for you today. only a very bad headache, only a very acute sense of longing and i don't know what for. sometimes i get like this, where i am wondering what is going to happen, where i am going, if i am going to be happy when i get there.

as of this moment:

1) i don't want to go to grad school, ever. this is not negotiable. unless, of course, i change my mind.
2) i have no clue what i want to do in 1.5 years, when i graduate.
3) i am not sure what i am doing now.
4) i am not sure i want to be a writer.

sadness abounds,